Those of you who have been following along here for a while may know that one of the many (metaphorical) hats I wear is “professional musician”. Since college, I’ve held an assortment of part-time jobs as a paid church choir member. The choirs have varied in size and skill level, but for almost 10 years my routine has been that Sunday mornings between September and June are for putting on my Sunday best and going to sing.
Last Sunday, for the first time in a very long time, I didn’t do that. I still got all dressed up, but I didn’t leave the house until the respectable hour of 9:30, and even then, I went and had a latte at a coffee shop, did a bit of writing, and then took a walk to a local fabric store to pick up supplies for a project. I didn’t go to church. I didn’t sing. In fact—I have quit.
It’s a somewhat surreal experience for me, to be honest. I’ve been contemplating quitting for a while, now that I have a steady job, but I did enjoy having the outlet for performing, that last thing letting me hold on to my identity as a professional musician. This year when I went back, it was clear something had to give. Things have picked up and gotten a bit more stressful at work, and the choir I was singing with was lovely but very small, and rarely sang things appropriate for our skeleton-crew forces. Instead of being a way for me to recharge and stretch my creative skills, singing on Sundays had become a chore. So I penned an email of resignation (it’s not you, it’s me) and that was it. I’m a free woman with Sunday mornings of my own again.
As the week has passed, I’ve come to feeling more comfortable with my decision. It was extremely odd at first, not doing something that has been such an integral part of my life for such a long time. It will be particularly hard around the holidays since I’m not performing with any other groups locally now—maybe an opportunity will present itself a little later in the year, and if not, I will fill the time with music and seasonal things on my own. I’ve channeled some of my newfound pocket money into buying some of the instruments I’ve always wanted to learn to play, and little by little I will find a way to keep singing. Perhaps some day I will sing in church again. But for now, I will enjoy my uncommitted Sunday mornings with a cup of coffee and a few hours for myself.
Black straw bow New York Creations hat: Antiques shop in Wisconsin
Yellow glass grape cluster earrings: Antiques shop somewhere along I-5
Grey, yellow, and white poppy-print 40s rayon dress: Etsy
Black elastic belt: H&M kids’ section
Black lace-up oxford shoes: Royal Vintage Shoes “Claire“